Once our Inner Landscape has been safely developed, we are then ready to look to our father. We learn from him how to show up in the external world. In our leadership and in our relationships to others.
Today I want to share with you 3 Major Father Wounds I have found in my last 10 years of working with hundreds of women in my Soul Alchemy Sessions and programs. I feel it is time we rise this subject, that goes hand by hand with the Mother Wound.
THREE MAIN FATHER WOUNDS
1. Using your looks to please men.
Woman who have a superficial approach to their appearance, their sensuality, their sexuality and their femininity.Using it as a mask or a mechanism or a tool to get something from a man.Either by being sensual and sexual, or by denying these completely.
2. BOY WANTED – but hey, it’s a girl !
Woman who experienced this growing up might develop issues around having very low self-esteem and/or low self-worth, just by the fact that she is a woman.She might have memories of being a tom boy or trying to be more like a boy then a little girl.
3. The absent father.
The father left.Whether it was while it was while the woman was growing within her mothers womb, up into the first 3 years of her life.
HOW THE FATHER WOUND EXPRESSES IN REAL CASES
These are stories of real women who chose to go deep, learning to forgive, releasing the wounds. Claiming their own stories and embarking on their own Glowing Path.
Using her femininity and her body to please men.
A client came to reconnect with her femininity. Until then, she’s been “using” her sensuality to “get ahead” at university and her professional career. Now she was ready for a relationship, but she kept attracting men because of her looks and not her heart, her soul.
She didn’t feel met or seen. She struggled with finding men who could or would match her intellect, her dreams, her desires.
When we started healing her Father Wound, she clearly remembered her father making mean comments and laughing about woman bodies with his friends, or while flipping through magazine on a “lazy Sunday afternoon”.
Deep within her subconscious she held the belief that her body’s not her own. That “women’s bodies” were objects and they were there for someone else to judge, criticise and comment on.
We “reframed” her story, creating a space where she could embrace how she was, fully in her own body. She began to recognize when she felt sensual or sexual and the difference between these two “states”.
She created an admiration ritual for herself to feel grounded, centered, allowing herself to express her femininity in a way which was real and authentic. It was not vulgar or bad. It was not something for someone else to judge. It was her authentic birthright to her to feel that beautiful within herself in the first place.
Coming back to our own bodies, our own pleasure and femininity is one of the most self confidence building things we can begin to do to express ourselves as women.
Dad wanted a boy.
This woman, who was a VP at a very large corporation in Switzerland, came to me for guidance because she was chronically exhausted. Pushing harder all the time and worried that she had reached the end of the road in her career, as a women…..the glass ceiling.
Within our work we came to acknowledge she was never feeling as if she was enough within her career.Here she was a vice president in a major corporation and she comes to the sessions, dropping her masks, and admitting she was simply exhausted.
She grew up in Africa and was the first daughter, followed by 3 boys.Her father always made it very clear to her that she would need to fight if she wanted to have the same opportunities that her brothers. Specially in Africa.
She began to look up to her brothers with admiration for everything they were “given” as boys.She began to fight for her place within her family structure.She would find herself constantly comparing herself to boys, wanting to be more like her brothers so her father would be proud of her.
She learned to fight with the opposite sex. To compete with boys, with guys, at a vey early age.She developed a belief where she was worth less then men, unless she could prove differently.
Her ovaries were expressing cysts. Her sacred seeds of creation were calling her back to her natural feminine ways.
Through the sessions, she started to validate herself; allowing her to accept herself just as she was as well as where she was within her career, in her motherhood, and as a wife.
The absent father.
Her father left her mother when she was only 2 years old.At that very young age she began to develop the role of the mother’s supporter : she learned to help her with the household chores, comfort her, allowing her to grieve for the loss of her husband. In the process, my client forgot to give herself space to grieve for the loss of her own father.To really feel and understand what this event meant for her own little girl self.
In her adult life, she began having problems and challenges finding men who were present for her.Men who could see who she truly was. She was feeling scared within these relationships, fearing that her partner would leave her.She had also been mothering her mother most of her life, so her mother was competing for her emotional space within her relationships with men.
Through the session, she created safe space where she could grieve for her own personal loss of her father as well as hold forgiveness for her mother for taking up so much space within her life. Playing the victim role again and again throughout the years.
The Father & the Inner Masculine.
While it is so important for us to heal our personal Father Wounds, also to heal our own Inner Masculine.
When we heal our Inner Masculine, that energy holds a space for our Inner Feminine to thrive and to be able to fully express herself. That part of us who is creative, messy, sensual, sexual, emotional, feminine.
As women we are the ones who pass on the old patterns of patriarchy, which we are facing so strongly these days.The wounds carried from one generation to the next.
The competition we feel towards each other as women.
Competition we fell towards men.
The feeling that we are less.
The fear that we are not worthy of love.
The fear that we are not being seen by men.
We need to be healed inside of us before we can stop blaming men for the world we living in.
I believe it is by birthing new ways of seeing and holding ourselves and the men within our lives that we can begin to heal and bring our selves and our planet back into balance.To build relationships based on love and respect for what each brings.
HEALING YOUR FATHER WOUND
I invite you to honestly ask yourself what your relationship with your father was like.
What did you learn from him about being a women?
About your value.Your sensuality. Your sexuality. Your self expression. Your capacity to lead. Your capacity to show up for your dreams.I ask that you simply take some time and dig in.Really look at that. Reframe it.
Take a look and notice if this is true for you today.
If you have stories that you haven’t honored, or know how to express them, I promise you, if you take time to really look at them you will find something very valuable there.I promise your relationship with yourself as well as with others and your leadership abilities will rise to a whole new level.
TENDING YOUR ROOTS. Global sessions where we are going deep to rise high. It is your time to GLOW.