In my work over the last 10 years, I have had the privilege of sharing time and space with many woman from all walks of life, all in different stages of their lives. One thing I came to realise and confirm : in order for us as women to claim our awakening, our self expression, our femininity, our intuition, and our own sense of beauty, we need to dig deep into our sense of Motherhood and remember the thread connecting us to our own personal “Mother Wound”.
I would like to share with you the Four Major Mother Wounds I found over the course of these years; and bring to light some very personal stories of some remarkable women. I believe, as we share our stories, we illuminate and validate the stories of others, giving them back to the collective, where they really belong and can heal.
So let’s dig in….
FOUR MAIN MOTHER WOUNDS.
The first Mother Wound is one where we know or suspect that our Mother was not really wanting or expecting us. How many of us have had this feeling, or even had been told that they were a “surprise” child, their parents weren’t ready for a baby, or maybe their parents weren’t married. Maybe your mother got pregnant with you 5 , 7, 10 years after the birth of her last child.
The second major wound is when our mother and/or our father wanted a boy instead of a girl, or a girl instead of boy. Maybe they weren’t prepared or they didn’t understand how to raise a child of the other sex. Maybe it was frowned upon within their culture or religious belief.
The third Mother Wound is when our mother kept us as a way to compensate a certain dynamic within her relationship, or maybe as way to help “glue” her relationship back together. Having a baby became a “strategy” , a way to help keep her relationship working and moving forward.
The forth Mother Wound is the role model she was for our own Inner Landscape. The relationship we have with our emotions. How we feel safe while looking within our own selves. And here I mean really getting intimate with ourselves. With our emotions. With our dreams for our own lives. To really dig in and see how much we are able to honor them and to show up for them.
OUR MOTHER AND THE RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE WITH OURSELVES.
Our mother is the role model for the relationship we have with ourselves. At our most intimate level. Including, especially, our sensuality and our sexuality. The relationship we have with beauty, how we define it, how we allow it to shape us.
Before we continue, I want to share the essential difference with the Father Wound. Which I’ll cover in an upcoming article.
The Mother role is essential during pregnancy and in the first three years of our life. She’s the mother we have chosen for this lifetime, to come into this plane through her body and into this world. She is the one who stands for the intimate relationship we have with ourselves, she creates our first Inner Landscape. How we are going to nurture ourselves and our life .
The Mother stands for our capacity of Inner Leadership.
Our Father stands for the relationship we will have showing up for others in the world. The way we relate to our physical reality. The way we interact with money and our career. How we show up in our leadership to others.
The Father becomes important after three years old. Essentially, he provides structure.Then we can step into that other world. Between the ages of four and six we learn how to show up, to make decisions on how we socialize, how we are seen and how we are being perceived. How we interact with others. How we feel safe in this world.
This is the beauty of how life is designed for us. After we have the confidence needed and cultivated within our Mother during the first three years of our life, and during pregnancy, then we are ready for our fertile soil, our Inner Landscape, to reach for the foundation of leadership.
She gave us, or not, the ability to be with ourselves and to be content with who we are.
Every human being is born through the dimensional portal inside a womb. If our Mother is the primary energy that makes us feel safe, loved and connected, then in order for us to feel those qualities and create a world of those qualities, then we must heal our mother wound.
In order for us to claim back our wholeness, we must become our own Inner Mother, our own Inner Father, for our own Inner Child. Often times we “work” on healing our Inner Child while forgetting that the Inner Child still needs a loving, healthy, Inner Mother and Inner Father in order to allow us to truly alive.
We must heal our Mother wound to become our own Inner Guide. To allow ourselves to be creative, to have connection, to own our power and claim our unique magic within this world. To have self expression and ultimate freedom.
HOW THE MOTHER WOUND EXPRESSES IN REAL CASES.
These are stories of real women who chose to dig in, learning to forgive, releasing these wounds. Claiming their own stories and embarking on their own Glowing Path.
One year old inner child – the magnificence of her body is lost in this simple act.
This first one is a client of mine who was feeling shame and fear expressing her sensuality and her sexuality. Everything that was related to her body. As an adult she developed an aggressive behaviors with food. She would self sabotage herself and then self punish herself with food. The quality of her intimacy got affected, too, as she would refrain from her sexual desires for her partner as well.
When we began to look into what was the root story causing her to feel fear and shame around any expression coming from her body. We discovered that the root cause came when she was one year old. In the guided visualisation, she could see, feel and understand, that the emotional impact of fear and shame around her body came from her mother changing her diapers.
Every time her mother would change her diaper she would consistently say … “this is disgusting!!!”
At one year old she began to understand that peeing was bad, pooping was disgusting and it was her body which was producing all of this.
The key to healing and transforming motherhood here, is to notice that something mothers might say so innocently can have such an impact on their child’s Inner Landscape.
Imagine something so simple could leave such an imprint that 45 years later she was still having all this fear and expression within her intimate relationship and her relationship with food.
After a few sessions of delving into her own Inner Landscape and what I call “soul alchemy sessions”, she began to understand that her Inner one year old needed to be accepted in order for her to be fully freely to express herself within her sensuality, her sexuality, her body and the food she fed to herself.
Three month baby – she learned this in her mom’s womb.
My second client’s story is quite incredible as well. She was falling deeply and passionately in love with many men, but only for the length of three months. After three months she would end the relationship abruptly.
She came to me out of a desire to heal these patterns of behavior. Shifting her emotions from one day to the next she would feel the passion was not there anymore. She was not in love with him anymore. She would find a way to end it.
We began to go back to her very first relationship, which had lasted for one year. She was 18 and he was 25. She explained to me that he had left her for another woman who, she discovered, was pregnant with his child. He had cheated on her and was leaving her. So this was our start. During the next few soul alchemy sessions we began to understand, though her visualizations, what had happened when she was within the Womb of her Mother.
Her mother was three months pregnant with her when she discovered that her husband had been cheating on her. My client felt very clearly, that for a very short period of time, her Mother was thinking, and trying decide, whether she should have an abortion, or keep her. She also felt that when she did decide to keep her, that it was out of the hope it would help keep her mother keep her husband. That he would choose to stay with ‘them” and not leave her for the other woman.
So at three months old, within the womb of her mother, she began to understand that her purpose within this life was to help her mother keep her “father” with them. She was born with the understanding she was here to help her Mother.
She was two years old when her parents divorced. This was when she began to believe she had failed what she was here to do. Her task for this lifetime.
All of her relationships, including her first one where she was cheated on, were based on repeating her Mothers story. Once that first relationship occurred and she was cheated on, it created the patterns of her feeling that she was not good enough for a relationship. She began to create situations and mechanisms over the next 15 years to a bring a man close to her, yet leaving every single one of them after three months.
Forgiving her mother was a huge and a very difficult thing for her to do. Within her healing we found threads reaching through the linages of her family before her. Forgiveness was the one thing, after three sessions, where we found she was able to open up and began to see herself as good enough and free enough to heal. To begin to choose her own story for her own relationships. What she desired for her own life.
New born – separation becomes skin problem.
The last client I will share with you I found quite fascinating.. She came to me because of a skin problem. Skin problems always stand for trauma involving separation. Separation of human contact. Her mother was a successful business woman who was at the height of her career when she became pregnant with her. After her birth, her mother was so tired and exhausted that she gave her over to the nurses at the hospital so she could sleep.
She wanted to rest and retreat into herself; she was exhausted to hold and care for her new born daughter.
My client remembered in one of our sessions, being separated from her mother as soon as she was born and being placed into the arms of a nurse standing near by. With the realization of this experience, we began to understand the root cause of her skin problems, as well as the horrific nightmares she had in the first five years of her life.
Let’s remember that our Mother is the one who creates safety in being intimate with ourselves when we close our eyes and go inwards in search of our own essence.
My client had to go back and forgive her Mother for being too tired to care for her. With these sessions of forgiveness and some very specific exercises I gave to her to heal her skin problems, we were able to restore the truth of her root problem, her longing for human touch. To heal her feelings of separation.
NEW UNDERSTANDING PROVIDES HEALING.
Once we realize we have chosen both Our Mother and Our Father, and accept that they are the perfect human beings to help us evolve within this lifetime, we begin to heal our ancestral trauma’s.
Our parents, and ancestors, were there to help us see our true potential. Most of us don’t see the beauty in those perceived struggles and challenges. We need to see beyond our own selves and see the larger picture. All the way back and to begin to understand our parents did the very best they could with the circumstances they themselves held within their own story.
THE ALCHEMICAL POWER OF FORGIVENESS.
Forgiveness is easier once we have the whole, complete, big picture. Forgiveness is possible once we understand our parents for the human beings they are, and what they gave to us. To remember their role models were our ancestors and once we forgive, we are able to liberate ourselves from those paths. Ultimately coming to the understanding that our ancestors have been there right beside us all along. Cheering for our freedom.
We are not here to repeat the patterns and stories.
We are here to evolve through love, joy and connection. We are here to form heart-centered relationships, soul centered families.
The invitation of this time is for you to take a deeper look at your relationship with your own Mother Wound. The story you carry deep within your own Inner Landscape.
Everyone must heal the mother wound, for us all to birth a world where we feel safe to love, to connect and to thrive.
How would you describe her? What areas of your life still resemble her life. What lineage, or family pattern are you still carrying forward? Still allowing to challenge and shape you. Understand that this is not all of you. Only a version of yourself where, if you dig deep enough, you may find hidden pieces of buried gold beneath the surface.
Open yourself up and explore your true capacity. Your capacity to love, to express yourself. In your own authentic way.
I wish you all blessings, magic, understanding, openness, and the ability to connect deeper with yourself and with others as well.
I believe we are all mothers. Some are biological mothers, others, like me, are not – either by choice, or circumstances.
If you are a mother reading this article, know that you have taken a sacred task of bringing human life to ur beloved Earth, from a place of LOVE. Love is the core essence you, your child and motherhood is made of.
Yet on Earth School we tend to think we need to learn to love through pain and fear. That is, an old paradigm belief. Through healing the Mother Wound, you can release any fear, guilt , doubt or intense emotion around motherhood.
Know, that in truth, you always do the best you can, based on the role models you had, rooted in your own self awareness and outlook of life.
If you want to discover more about Soul Alchemy and the tools we have available to heal our Mother Wound, Samiel is here for you at samielcarolina.com .
A powerful forgiveness ritual can be found here, on Samiel’s online shop.